“I’ve Had Thousands Of People Murdered – What’s Your Point?”

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“Woah! Wait. Hold on a second here, guys. You’re suddenly pissed that I killed one measly journalist? Seriously?” Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Mohammed bin Salman addressed the world’s press last night in an eye opening speech calling out the CIA and his critics accusing him of being a ‘red line’.

“Fucking red line? I’ll give you a red line: we’re literally starving 10 million people in Yemen and you’re getting on our case over having some bad mouthed hack, hacked to death? Please, even my moral compass points to hypocrisy here,” bin Salman continued.

“We’re using the weapons you sold us to annihilate innocent civilians, for Allah’s sakes. You’re even refuelling our planes mid air during the bombing campaigns. You’re buying our oil. You watch us decapitating hundreds of people every year, some of whom are women who were raped because they tried to retaliate, and only now you’re suddenly ‘concerned’?

“Seriously, have a logical think about it there to yourselves,” the Prince then paused, staring down at the gathered reporters.

His comments came as pressure mounts on the Saudi Royal over a recent report by US intelligence agencies which claims he ordered the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, who was lured to the Saudi consulate in Istanbul on 2 October, before being killed and reportedly dismembered.

“Well, it was hardly the fucking tooth fairy that chopped him up for looking to make a buck on his teeth, was it?” bin Salman retorted. “Seriously, if I go down for this it will be a total embarrassment to the family. Do me for something juicy and worthwhile, like genocide, or trial me as a war criminal, but not chopping up some loser in an embassy – I order hits like that in my sleep”.

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