THE Galleria dell’Accademia museum in Florence has taken the unprecedented step of updating one of the most iconic pieces of art in the history of humanity, stating the need to increase visitors as the reason for doing so.
Michelangelo’s David, a marble statue seen as a near perfect study in human anatomy, will be given a great big 14 inch penis, the short that makes a thud sound as it strikes the inner thigh when in motion, after a review into reduced tourist numbers at the museum was concluded.
“He got a big ‘ole dick now, tourists gonna love it,” confirmed curator at the museum Carlo Antonelli, “selfies and memes opportunities, leaning tower of Pisa type poses, David’s got it all now. He’s packing some serious heat in his drawers now,” added Antonelli, despite the fact David historically went and continues to go commando.
Lovingly realised and carved by contemporary sculptor Giorgio Diodati, the new enhanced appendage took 8 months to complete.
“He’s a shower, no longer just a ‘grower’ and already the first 4 months of tickets to queue to see David and his giant junk are sold out,” confirmed Antonelli, who admits he underestimated the public’s desire to queue up and stare at a big penis.