THE FALLOUT from one man choosing not to wear a Remembrance Poppy has had disastrous consequences in Britain, inadvertently reversing the outcomes of both world wars and entirely erasing the sacrifice of soldiers, WWN can exclusively reveal.
Once worn as a solemn reminder of the sacrifice made by soldiers who died in World War I, the poppy is now the centrepiece of the British Legion’s annual fundraising appeal as they seek to raise money for services and treatment of ex-servicemen in the absence of funding from the British government who really couldn’t be arsed despite sending them off to war in the first place.
However, due to the unpatriotic and selfish act of one London based man this week, the Nazis and the Kaiser have actually retroactively won both world wars, rendering the sacrifice of slain soldiers pointless.
“I had no idea, I’m so, so sorry,” confirmed Islington native Daniel King, who despite donating to the charity online, failed to don a red poppy on his coat’s lapel during the last few weeks, setting in motion a history-altering series of events which saw ink fade from history books and all DVD copies of Dunkirk go blank.
“This unpatriotic snowflake Remaining piece of ISIS shit doesn’t know what it’s like, his generation doesn’t have the balls to war like them in back in proper British times,” confirmed irate man one year younger than King (45), John Smith, who went on to the describe the method by which the wars became lost as ‘like Back To The Future with the fading picture only with Hitler and that’.
“Es ist schrecklich,” Smith added, gasping after realising he was suddenly speaking nothing but German.
Smith, his body covered entirely in poppies all year round, has been a vocal defender of never forgetting the sacrifice made by soldiers and recently suggested disrespectful newborn babies who aren’t wearing poppies be tattooed with the poppy seconds after their mothers give birth to them.
The scheme has received the backing of leading British politicians and will be rolled out next year.