UTILISING mind-wiping technology which first appeared science documentary Men In Black, Irish football fans have been given the option of completely erasing their memory of sensational, and now definitely English, talent Declan Rice to save on future hurt, regret and anger.
Early signs suggests a 100% uptake in the memory erasing option, meaning Rice, thrice capped for Ireland, will evaporate like the morning mist from the hearts and minds of all passionate Irish fans.
“Sorry who?” confirmed one die hard Irishman when asked if he was disappointed by the rumours Rice has made a decision to represent the country of his birth. It is believed the gentle tears tracing a path down the fan’s cheeks were due to an unrelated incident of extreme emotional torment.
Rice joins formerly beloved, formerly Irish player Jack Grealish in no longer being recalled with warmth or recalled at all by passionate Irish fans who have been bereft of good news in recent months.
“Oh just erase the whole feckin’ lot except for Euro 88, Italia 90, USA 94, Japan and South Korea 02, and Euro 2016,” cried out a fan in anguish while ripping his shirt at the chest, dropping to his knees and shaking his fist skywards.
When WWN Sport pointed out to the man that he forgot to include Euro 2012 in his treasured memories free from erasure he responded sharply with “sorry, lad, I think you’re mistaken we never qualified for that. Shame though, would have loved to be part of it”.
Ireland manager Martin O’Neill has been keen to stress at every opportunity that he tried everything in his power to persuade Rice to continue playing for Ireland.
“Martin who? Sorry you’ve lost me,” confirmed all Irish fans in unison.