“Orgy Back In Mine” Michael D. Higgins Invites Public To Post-Election Gaff Party

INTENT on celebrating his convincing election win to grasp a second term as Irish president in style, Michael D. Higgins has invited everyone back to his gaff for a post-election party which will almost immediately descend into an orgy.

“Fellow heathens, my flesh is your flesh is my flesh is everyone’s flesh if you so desire,” Higgins said, raising a glass of champagne out on the lawn outside Áras an Uachtaráin, as members of the public kitted out in gimp masks rushed inside.

“What a marvellous triumph this has been and what better way for us as a people to celebrate together than by getting so fucked up we won’t know who’s arm or elbow that is and why it is where it is,” Higgins exclaimed while throwing his keys into a bowl.

The campaign for reelection didn’t all go Higgins’s way as some candidates got as many as 5 votes each, making the desire to celebrate all the more hard earned.

The post-election orgy gaff party is believed to be the first of its kind, but is a non-ticketed event and is open to all eligible voters, with Tiesto on the decks shortly after midnight. The public has been told to bring their own pills.

Lucky voters will also have the option of joining the mile high club, as the government Learjet will be on hand to ferry sex crazed orgy goers around the skies for the next 24 hours.

Elsewhere, political rival Sean Gallagher declined an invite to the orgy, stating “see you all again in 7 years times” before disappearing in a puff of smoke.