Sean Gallagher Not Really Interested In Any Of That Small-Time Political Bullshit

DESPITE a recent Red C poll that shows current President Michael D. Higgins is set for a landslide victory in next month’s election, independent candidate Sean Gallagher has insisted that he won’t concede his place on the ballot and focus his attention on smaller, local-level politics, adding that “it’s the fucking Aras or nothing for me”.

Gallagher, who suffered an ignominious exit from the 2011 race following allegations of brown envelope-handling, has spent the last 7 years biding his time until he can get another crack at the presidency, and has made sure to not waste his time getting involved in things like either of the massive, tide-turning referendums that have taken place, or putting himself forward as a candidate for TD in the 2016 General Election.

“Mr. Gallagher doesn’t believe he’s TD material… he see’s himself as more of a President of the entire fucking country,” said one political observer.

“And as such, Sean has spent the last 7 years really doing his best to help out Sean Gallagher, by investing in property, doing highly paid motivational speeches at private events, things like that. He hasn’t got time for fixing potholes and opening community centres or shite like that. He wants to be president. That’s his final offer, take it or leave it”.

At 56, Gallagher believes he has ‘a fair few presidential elections’ left in him, and will continue to do so until the country relents and votes him in, just to shut him up.