Eoghan Murphy Calls Vote Of No Confidence In Mooching Homeless Bastards

HAVING nothing but the utmost belief in his abilities, his achievements and his nitrogen-cool posing skills, Minister For Housing Eoghan Murphy has decided to come out and say what he’s been thinking all along, placing the blame for the current homeless crisis squarely on ‘those mooching hand-out freeloaders’.

Tabling a motion of no confidence in the homeless, Murphy proudly stated that as far as he’s concerned, he’s done nothing but excellent work in his 15 months as Minister For Housing, and that there comes a time when the rising number of families in emergency accommodation ‘just isn’t his fault’.

With big plans for doing something about social housing and great intentions to sort out the out-of-control rental market as well as blaming local councils, Murphy referred to the 25% increase in homeless families from this time last year as ‘all you can expect from these people’ as he called for the vote in an emergency sitting of the Dáil today.

“How about just don’t be homeless?” shrugged Murphy, as Tánaiste Simon Coveney looked on and thanked God he was able to ditch this shit portfolio last year.

“Taoiseach, you know this well from your dole-fraud hunt a few years back… some of these people, there’s nothing you can do for them. We’ve got the best economy in the world at the minute, loads of jobs according to our reports… if you want a home, just get one, right lads? Fuck sake. Sick of this bullshit, if I’m honest. I have a house, you have a house, we all have houses… shit, some of us have several houses rented out to the very people that are crying that the rent is too high. You have to help yourself a bit in this life”.

To the surprise of no-one, the minister’s motion of no confidence passed with ease, with both Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil commending Murphy for ‘calling it the way we all see it’.