Empty Packet Of Tayto Cheese And Onion Announces Bid For Presidency

AN EMPTY packet of Tayto cheese and onion has announced that it is seeking a nomination to run in the Irish Presidential election this year after writing to every local authority member in the country seeking their support.

Support of Tayto packaging has grown substantially over the past seven years since the introduction of foil lining, which now adds to the longevity of the crisps and allows for easier licking of the bag inside.

The packet said it was not a politician in the conventional sense, but had demonstrated how to bring new possibilities into people’s lives by just simply running for the presidency.

“If nothing else comes of this bid, I hope that people see what one empty packet of Tayto can do, they will become inspired, and that is all I want,” said the 34-month-old empty packet, who denied it was using the election to advertise itself.

Tayto welcomed a decision by the Dáil last year to allow inanimate objects to run for high profile positions in Government. Since then numerous inanimate candidates have stepped forward, including Gavin Duffy.

“I’m not really worried about people like that, looking to inflate their egos; Gavin is the kind of guy who’d buy a packet of Walkers and butterfly the packet open for his friends on a pub table, thinking he’s fucking great,” said the packet, “I’ve got bigger crisps to fry”.