HSE Arrives To Mediation With Cervical Check Victims In Armoured Tanks

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AS PART of the Taoiseach’s promise to Cervical Check victims that the government and the State Claims Agency would not force victims to go court to in order to reach settlements, the HSE has turned up to mediation with some victims in an amoured tank.

The tank, part of a convey of 10 vehicles which is otherwise made up of buses of barristers and solicitors who get a perverse joy out of making life difficult for terminally ill women, broke through the wall of the mediation room in a polite and comforting way that was in no way intimidating.

“We are very sensitive to any victims and their plight which is why we’ve left the spitfires, Navy Seals and snipers at home. This is all about owning up to things and making things easier for these women,” explained a SCA, HSE and government spokesperson dressed in full military fatigues.

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar and Minister for Health Simon Harris had gone on record several times in high profile media addresses in the past claiming none of the women would have to go to court.

“Unfortunately since those media addresses which garnered positive feedback the Taoiseach and the minister immediately both lost their voices and inability to use their fingers to write statements on the matter once it became clear they were offering empty and cruel promises,” explained one person with knowledge on the story.

Several Cervical Check victims have labeled the HSE mediation process a ‘sham’ leaving the victims no choice but to pursue court proceedings in a bid to receive compensation and judgements to their satisfaction.

“I think people are being foolish, everyone knows the government would only ever act humanely to terminally ill women who were lied to if the case was that TDs were 100% certain their seats were at risk in the next election,” concluded a source.

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