“I Fucking Dare Anyone To Run Against Me”

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CURRENT president of Ireland Michael D. Higgins smirked at reporters earlier today after being asked about potential opponents in a possible presidential election later this year, simply answering ‘let them fucking try’.

D. Higgins, whose 7-year term as Uachtarain comes to an end later this year, is expected to run uncontested for a second term, with most of the political parties issuing their support and only a few begrudging pricks considering stepping forward and running against him.

The beloved president, who has two big dogs that he takes everywhere and is only a wee fella and seems to be fairly gas, expressed an interest in maintaining his presidency until told to do otherwise, laughed off claims that there is anyone in Ireland anywhere near as popular as he is, adding that anyone who comes for the throne ‘better come with a big fucking stick’.

“You come at the D, you best not miss,” strutted Higgins, smoking a massive joint while surrounded by a harem of beautiful naked gaeilgeoirs.

“What’s that David Norris is saying now, that I’m too old to be president? Sorry Dave, can’t hear you over that 6% of the electorate that voted for you last time you put your name forward. Gerry Adams wants to put his name forward? Ask the last Sinn Féin lad that ran against me how that worked out. But seriously, anyone that wants to oppose me, let them. I could do with an excuse for a good session in November”.

Driving home the point that he ‘wasn’t going anywhere soon’, D. Higgins has arranged new renovations and interior decoration work for Aras An Uachtarain to start in late October, a baller move if ever we seen one.

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