England will win the World Cup after slaying the mighty Panama 6-1 and there’s no way they can cock this up, the English media have confirmed.
Despite the poor opposition England nevertheless impressed in the thrashing, however, Harry Kane is being investigated after his third goal revealed the striker seems to be wearing football magnets on his boots, drawing the football towards him at all times.
Fans following the coverage on RTÉ have expressed their desire to see that girl in the Maroon 5 ad open the car door into the path of the oncoming truck just once.
Roy Keane enthralled ITV viewers by repeating the ‘I’m mad as hell’ speech from 1970s movie Network in its entirety, capping it all off by ripping his shirt off and eating it.
All non-England supporters have encouraged the team’s fans to lose the run of themselves hyping up their chances as the ultimate downfall will be all the more amusing. However, non-England supporters admits they have made no back up plans for what to do if the team actually makes the semi-finals.
People have been asked not to approach their Polish coworkers, friends and loved ones as getting spanked 3-0 by Colombia does not make for a great end to a weekend.
Senegal put in another convincing performance against Japan, only for Japan to steal a draw through a Keisuke Honda goal. Honda, is the first and only player to change his name after striking a sponsorship with a car manufacturer.
Tonight’s games see Spain take on Morocco and Iran play Portugal. While the two games look like foregone conclusions with Spain and Portugal looking to progress, fans will still tune in on the off chance to be given the chance to watch Ronaldo’s face if Portugal are beaten and knocked out by Iran.
In ‘well isn’t that shit news’, Swedish midfielder Jimmy Durmaz who gave away the free kick that lead to Germany’s late winner on Saturday has been subjected to a torrent of racially charged abuse online, FIFA, the game’s governing body have confirmed they’ll do nothing to help or combat such incidences as they operate ‘ah, we’ll tolerate it as long as sponsorship money is coming in’ policy.