ABSOLUTELY livid that the game beloved by the vile British Empire and used by the occupying British forces decade after decade to stamp out any indigenous Irish culture is still on the TV all day, every day, one hardcore GAA fan has blinded himself in a bid to ensure his eyes aren’t blemished by the sight of foreign games on Irish TV.
The pathetic game played by wimpy millionaires who just dive about the place is one so hated by Mayo man Dermot O’Doland that he took his own sight to avoid being exposed to its evil, no matter the cost.
“It poisons Irish people. Like, have you no national pride, no love of Ireland? No, of course not, you do be off watching soccer, taking the Queen’s shilling,” O’Doland said to his housemates as they took in some of the action in Russia, forcing O’Doland to take drastic action.
Mixing together several household cleaning items kept under the sink, O’Doland doused his eyes with them in an effort to keep his GAA proud eyes from being sullied by the filth of soccer, used as a tool in the British Empire’s long history of violence and oppression across the globe.
O’Doland came to regret the decision in between violent screams of pain when his friends let of shouts of complaint, giving out about one particularly awful dive in a World Cup match.
“Describe the dive to me in detail, this is why I’d never let my kids play any of this shite,” O’Doland said, visibly erect at the thought of someone diving in a game of soccer.