Local Man Doesn’t Get Sunburned (UPDATED)

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WATERFORD man Derek Lenning has brushed aside pleas to put on some sunscreen while out in the heat, stating emphatically that he tans, not burns, and besides it doesn’t look all that sunny out.

Acting under the impression that “you can’t get sunburned when you’re moving” and “you can only get sunburned in the middle of the day”, Lenning dismissed his wife’s attempts to spray a bit of factor 50 on the back of his neck as he left their Tramore home this morning, gruffly stating that he hates the smell and texture of sun lotion, as well as the fact that he thinks it’s for ‘women and children’.

With a short-sleeved shirt and a pair of cargo shorts on, Lenning headed off for a long day of roofing houses with the construction firm he works for, fully confident that he will arrive home after a day in the 24 degree heat with ‘a slight bit of colour’ at best.

“Suncream? Sure didn’t I put a bit on myself yesterday, I’ll be grand” said Derek, squinting in the glaring sunlight.

“Honestly, I don’t know what all the fuss is about when it comes to the sun. Sure I’ll be moving the whole time, and sweating, sure won’t that keep the sunburn off me. I might get a bit brown, but sure it’ll go well with my red hair, won’t it?”

UPDATE: A priest has been called to the Lenning household as distraught family members attempt to ease Derek’s suffering, while issuing urgent calls for camomile lotion donations.

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