WATERFORD CITY will be brought roaring into the 19th century with a new €280 million development along the north quays, reversing a trend of a complete lack of investment in the city and county for much of its entire history, WWN can confirm.
The Saudi-backed development instantaneously erases Waterford people’s knowledge of war crimes in Yemen and provides the city with that gentle nudge to move its infrastructure, amenities and facilities out of the cesspit of 18th century living standards.
“We’re a patient sort boi, can’t just skip straight from the 18th century to the 21st like, but great news all the same,” explained one local, who longs for a toilet which is actually located within the confines of his home and not down the end of his back garden.
The major investment which will bring 6,000 jobs to the county is much needed and has been widely and enthusiastically celebrated by locals who joyously paraded around the city in their horse and carts along earth sodden thoroughfares. However, the seismic development which will transform the quays, cannot hurtle Waterford by itself into the 21st century.
“Elsewhere in the county and city, we’ve a long way to go, such has been the lack of investment in Waterford. We all still use carrier pigeons for posting letters, and sadly we’re still decades away from getting those fancy brick phones with buttons that are so big you have to carry them around in a briefcase,” explained an expert in Waterford, Tommy Donlan.