AS RUMOURS swirl that gormless idiot David Davis will resign from his position in Theresa May’s cabinet as Minister for Ensuring Very Stupid Thing Happens With Maximum Negative Impact, British prime minister May is reportedly watching YouTube compilations of car crashes in a bid to take her mind off Brexit.
Footage of hunks of metal cars careening into one another at ferocious speed with devastating consequences, condensing like cokes cans in the hands of the world’s strongest man, seems for May to be best way to breezily escape thoughts of how Brexit is an unmitigated disaster.
“She’s been watching this crash on a loop for the last 2 hours,” explained one of May’s aides, while several feet away from a transfixed PM staring with laser focus at her laptop as a cacophony of carnage blared from the speakers.
“It’s the only way she can unwind, it’s all ‘Brexit, Brexit, Brexit’ and ‘May you complete twaticidal idiot’ during the day, so what better way to take her mind off it all by repeatedly watching violently catastrophic car crashes,” the aide shouted over the sound of a Robin Reliant being steamrolled by a marvel of efficient German automotive engineering.
“Everything else in daily life is so laden with symbolism and rife for metaphorical allusion and allegory, but each morning, afternoon and evening, Theresa escapes the endless portents of doom by watching cars crashing and crashing and crashing, safe in the knowledge it’s the one thing that could in no way remind her or anyone else of Brexit”.