Guide To Being A Serial Planning Objector

WHETHER it’s a neighbour who really wants to turn his bungalow into a dormer to create extra space for his growing family, or a much-needed revamp of a dilapidated part of town that will bring new economic growth to the area, there’s nothing like somebody applying for planning permission to really bring out your inner cunt.

To make sure you’re as much of a thorn in your community’s side by blocking, appealing and objecting to as many planning applications as possible, follow these simple steps:

1) Object early, object often

Once that public notice gets nailed up, get your objection in to the council as quickly as you can. Why, you’ve objected so fast, it’s almost like you haven’t even read the details of what you’re objecting to! This doesn’t really matter; what matters is the fact that you’re exerting your will over the will of other people. Keep it up!

2) You don’t need a reason

You don’t have to prove that the proposed building or venture will frighten your geese or hinder your view of the sky… you just have to say that it does. It’s up to someone else to prove it. So you can go ahead and object on pretty much any grounds, and even if you don’t succeed in blocking the project, you’ll have at least hindered it for a while, set it back by a number of months or even years, and heaped misery, expense and labour on some already stressed people. You win!

3) People know it’s you that’s objecting

And? So? Just because you get a name for being a known crank and serial objector, doesn’t mean that you should stop doing it. Needlessly pissing people off is your one thing in life that you love doing. Are you going to stop doing it just because people ask you not to? Fuck no!

3) Get yourself a t-shirt that says ‘I am a prick’

And wear it with pride every day, so that people know you just don’t give a fuck as you object to a multi-million euro development that would benefit hundreds of people just because it’s Tuesday and you’ve nothing better to do.