TELEVISION owners have been warned to take appropriate measures to ensure their sexual well-being over the coming weeks, as doctors have confirmed that even a brief exposure to the TV show Love Island could be enough to cause a sexually transmitted disease.
The new season of Love Island launched last night with 11 contestants shipped off to a luxury destination where they will spend the next 8 weeks getting to know each others genitals on an hourly basis, with the resulting copulation aired on TV for an audience of millions of people who have decided that this is exactly the kind of thing they want to spend their fleeting lives watching.
Now in its fourth season, the reality show has had several years for sexual health specialists to study the effects of spending large amounts of time watching young people having casual sex with each other on live TV, and as such have issued a warning that watching Love Island every night for two months could give you a serious dose of the clap.
“We would advise wearing a condom while watching the show, or at least washing yourself in TCP after each episode,” said Dr. Sian Harrits, who cannot believe that this is what she’s doing with her degree in medicine.
“The action in Love Island has the potential to create televisually transmitted sexually transmitted diseases, or TVTSTDs, so prolonged exposure can result in chlamydia, gonorrhoea, crabs, and even full blown televisual AIDS. Make sure to keep yourself safe while watching”.
People concerned about their health were also advised that they could just not watch the show, but this was dismissed as impossible due to the fear of not being able to chat to everyone about it on social media.