OKAY so it’s a little late to be looking for studying hacks, but just like when we did the Leaving Cert, we’ve left everything to the last minute to gather up these hacks, apologies.
We don’t need to tell you to stay calm and just let this advice sink in, we know you’re high on Red Bull and panic so look, here goes nothing, just read and use these hacks as applicable:
1) Eat your study notes, books. While we don’t have conclusive scientific evidence to back up the fact that by eating your notes they can become slowly absorbed into your bloodstream and brain, we also don’t have scientific evidence that disproves this so, sprinkle a dash salt on that A4 pad and get munching.
2) Repeatedly state ‘oh my God, I’ve like done no study I’m probably going to fail’ over and over again, like those immensely annoying smart people who utter this phrase all the time but constantly get almost perfect test results. Repeating this phrase could open a magic portal to an alternative dimension in which you transform into one of these people.
3) Call in a bomb threat to your exam hall. Can’t fail if there is no exam. Oh, they’re just moving the exam to another building? Read this sentence from the start again.
4) Cry until someone takes pity on you and just gives you a H1 if it means you’ll shut up and stop crying.
5) Write all your answers for every exam in the extinct language of Babylonian Aramaic. With no one fluent in the language anymore, examiners will just have to take your word for it when you say you got everything right. Important note: begin all discussions with examiners as follows: ‘What is the correct answer?’ once the examiner tells you the correct answer you can then confirm ‘yes, that is exactly what I wrote in Babylonian Aramaic, one H1 please’.
6) Kidnap your exam invigilator’s family, and state you will return them safely once you can be guaranteed access to the internet and a brain that isn’t yours. Fingers crossed you don’t get the one exam invigilator that actually hates their family and wouldn’t mind if they were bumped off.
7) Oh maybe watch another episode of that Netflix show you’ve been binging, it has done wonders for your productivity so far.