GREETINGS readers! We know for many, it’s been a long, tough month and what better way for a news publication to acknowledge something is doesn’t need to than by diverting our scant resources in the direction of throwing up an article which is just pictures of puppies. Puppies!
We know you rely on us for your breaking news, which cuts through the increasingly tricky bullshit of random websites claiming to be ‘news sites’ but don’t let this article change the way you view our priorities as a news organisation. Take it for the wholesome dereliction of duty it is.
Are we debasing our profession in a bid to get you to click on our website? Shut up and take some motherfucking puppies.
With the entire internet at the fingertips of you, our reader, there’s really nothing stopping you independently looking up ‘world’s cutest puppies’ and yet you’re here, and not on our dedicated sub-section dealing with the fact that the Government has today called the illegal adoption and trafficking of children ‘incorrectly registered births’.
You can’t spell the ‘fourth estate puppy’ without ‘puppy’. If this article proves very popular can you trust us not to just do more of this instead of actual news? Who knows, but anyway, have you seen this:
Tough auld month all the same, we say in the informal ‘we’re just like you’ tone our editor insists we must maintain in a bid to bring in more readers. Also, puppies:
Fuck it, even the BBC is doing this shit.