A NEW 4 kilometre long dog lead launched today will let owners walk their pets from the comfort of their own home while still being able to trip up as many people along the way.
Unhappy with shorter models which only let you trip up a handful of pedestrians, the Walker 3000 is a lightweight, carbon fibre cable dog lead capable of taking down an entire street full of people while you sit at home watching TV.
“I don’t know how many times my lead snapped because of idiots getting clothes-lined by my puny 15-meter-long dog lead,” explained dog person James Holden, who has been trialling the new lead on his small dog Benji since March, “thanks to the Walker 3000, myself and Benji can now clothesline dozens of unsuspecting people out walking, without me ever having to look at their stupid angry faces”.
“The carbon fibre lead is perfect for wrapping around people’s legs while Benji crosses their path, forcing them to either trip, or walk around the full length of the lead,” added Holden, who then smiled at the latest tug from the extra long dog lead, “Oh! We got a big one. Hopefully Benji didn’t get too tangled up there. If there’s one thing it’s missing, it’s a GoPro. It would be great to be able to see the people tripping up, instead of trying to judge by the tugs”.
The Walker 3000 also allows dog owners to avoid fouling fines, as they are technically not in the vicinity to pick up the dog poop.