A MEETING of some of the country’s top banking officials today quietly discussed how to launch 100% mortgages again to the Irish public without having any negative feedback, WWN has learned.
Following in the footsteps of British counterparts, Barclays bank, several of the country’s main commercial banking chiefs began brainstorming this morning on how to crowbar in deposit free loans without all the moans.
“We could just offer them 10% cash back,” posed one banker, masturbating furiously under the boardroom table, “oh yeah baby, that’s it – let’s bypass that ridiculous 10% deposit clause that none of these broke fucks can afford, yeah, oh yeah, you dirty cunt of a clause, take that all over your application form”.
Echoing his colleague’s proposal, another masturbating banker suggested introducing a family guarantor to get around the tough restrictions that have been put in place to prevent risky lending.
“Oh, you cunning little guarantor minx, you’re exactly what this housing bubble needs right now to really make it burst all over their stupid faces,” said the now climaxing banker, “those suckers will lap it up like a cat with a saucer of milk,” adding, “they won’t even see it coming and will be the ones left mopping up the mess”.
Finishing the meeting, the bankers shook themselves off before shaking hands on the new proposals.
“See you all again in ten or fifteen years,” they agreed.