“Stop Offering Solutions & Just Let Us Drink Drive”

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A GOVERNMENT scheme which will see 50 bus routes operate across 19 counties during the evenings has been lambasted as nothing short of an ‘attempt to trial a solution to rural isolation and an end to drink driving’ by irate Kerry TD Michael Healy Rae, who expressed further anger at what was a blatant attempt to deny rural people their God-given right to drink and drive.

“He’s bloody well livid at the shadowy Dublin conspiracy at play,” explained one person ensconced deep within Healy Rae’s flat cap.

“They’re trialing a bus system which could benefit rural communities, and if it works, it could get more funding, more routes, but we see right through their sensible solutions, they’re trying to stop us horsing it around a bend at an accident black spot at 1am after a feed of pints… Well, we won’t be tricked like that,” the source passionately added.

With new drink driving laws set to come into effect soon, Healy Rae, along with his brother and fellow Healy Rae, Danny, has passionately fought against the nefarious actions of snake oil salesman known as the ‘urban Dublin posh rich boys in the Dáil’ as they try to limit the number of road traffic accidents and deaths, instead of doing right by the good honest rural people of Ireland, and just letting them go hell for fucking leather while boozed up at the wheel.

“Oh, that’s it, talk down to the simple auld culchies who have no idea about anything, is that it? You should be ashamed. What country will this become at’all at’all, if we throw money at communities and try to stop the carnage on the roads.

“Pints and doing 80 on a narrow, pothole strewn road is a right of passage, it’s as Irish as the GAA and they’re trying to take it away from us,” the incensed source close to Healy Rae concluded before collapsing in a heap.

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