‘Wank Of Ireland’ Sperm Banks Open Nationwide

THE final touches were being put to Ireland’s premier chain of sperm banks last night ahead of the grand opening this morning, with every sound proof cubicle fitted with a variety of magazines, for all tastes and types.

The latest issues of the Farmer’s Journal, the RTÉ Guide and Anal Fisting for Beginners Weekly sit in neat piles awaiting their first use and Wank of Ireland branches have already reported high levels of interest from Irish men willing to donate their seed to the needy and could be set to earn some decent cash if they’re swimmers are of high quality.

“It works in much the same way as any bank, you queue for an inordinate amount of time, usually behind a confused elderly person, make your deposit and then get delayed in our double-lock door system for 15 minutes before heading back to work,” explained Wank of Ireland manager Clíona O’Connell, “oh, and, I’m sure we’ll have a scandal or two in due course as well”.

Previously Irish women seeking out sperm would see fertility clinics source sperm mostly from Denmark but now Ireland has its own burgeoning indigenous sperm amassing industry. Once a donor opens an account they can deposit funds via a Automated Sperm Machines (ASM) which sit outside each branch, similarly a customer can then enter their pin at an ASM and withdraw sperm.

“It’s great to have Irish run, Irish filled sperm banks finally and we’re aiming to offer potential customers a nice variety of options,” O’Connell explained.

However, judging by the queue outside its Henry Street branch in Dublin this morning, Wank of Ireland will have an oversupply of pale, redheaded men called Sean.