Cat Laughs Fails To Book Your Hilarious Mate For 10th Year Running

A GROUP of Kilkenny banter-merchants have expressed their dismay at the exclusion of their gas mate Derek Goran from the annual Cat Laughs comedy festival, despite their insistence that he is indeed gas and ‘should be on stage’.

Having failed to get booked for the festival for the tenth consecutive year, Goran’s mates have assured him that his combination of dodgy accents, dodgy jokes, dodgy humour and really dodgy views on any number of subjects have nothing to do with his lack of success in the field of comedy and the performing arts, and that his crippling stage fright and inability to string a sentence together until he has a feed of pints in him would be ‘grand when he got up there’.

“Seriously, what do Jason Manford, Des Bishop, Blindboy, Jason Byrne, Allison Spittle, Maeve Higgins, Reg D. Hunter, Chris Kent, Karl Spain, Adam Hills and Rich Hall have that our Deco doesn’t?” asked the group of lads, looking at the line-up for the festival while having a pint in their local.

“OK, that’s some of the world’s finest stand-up comedians with years of experience between them, who have been packing shows around Ireland for years with their comedy, but come on… have you never heard Derek tell the one about the rickshaw taxi lad and the rotisserie chicken? It’s fucking gas so it is. Where is he now, and he’ll tell you it himself… oh wait, yeah, sorry, this is the pub he’s barred from. Well, one of them, anyway”.

The Cat Laughs festival takes place, still without Derek Goran, this June bank holiday weekend.