A NEW study into sweet eating habits has found that people who carefully bite the chocolate from Maltesers first before eating the centre are four hundred times more intelligent than those who don’t, WWN can officially confirm.
The research, which was carried out by 26-year-old student Jenny Shields in her shared flat, found that cracking the soft chocolate shell with your incisors and nibbling it off completely proved that Jenny was far cleverer than her flatmate Sinead, who just basically chomps into the sweets like a donkey eating a carrot.
“It’s definitely a sign of intelligence, ” Ms. Shields explained to herself, now pointing to her friend who was shoveling a handful Maltesers into her mouth in one go, “look at poor Sinead there, God love her, just horsing them into her gob. She’s like a neanderthal there, not a thought for the sweets, just vacantly gorging to survive.
“Me? I like to take my time with my Maltesers, torture them one by one. You appreciate the chocolate and the melt in your mouth centre more when you separate them,” the home researcher added to her thoughts.
Following the success of her solo study, Shields vowed to expand her research to people who separate the top caramel layer from a Mars bar from the nugget base in a bid to prove they are also geniuses.
“Yeah, I do that too, so there must be something in it,” insisted the full-time college student, now eyeing up a Mars bar on the sitting room table, “yeah, we’re a special bunch, us confectionery deconstructors. I’d say my IQ is around 200 or something. I can’t wait to see the results from my next study”.
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