US PRESIDENT Donald Trump has had to retract his angry statements about an ongoing FBI witch hunt, after a task force from the bureau managed to rescue a number of kidnapped children from certain death at the hands of a gaggle of witches who were on the verge of boiling them in a giant pot.
Earlier this week, Trump had labelled the ongoing FBI investigation a ‘waste of taxpayers time and money’ after they raided the Rockefeller offices of his attorney Michael Cohen, adding that they should investigate wrongdoings in the Hillary Clinton campaign ‘if they really wanted to find some shit’.
However, it was later revealed that the raid on Cohen’s office was just a ruse to flush out a coven of evil hags who had been engaging in magic and the black arts in the greater New York area, prompting Trump to later apologise to all concerned.
“I have to hand it to them, but they were on the money here,” sighed Trump, while dunking the witches in the Hudson river.
“I mean, I heard whispers of a witch hunt around the office, so I thought they were, y’know, coming after me, and then they went to Cohen’s office and I thought ok, that’s the Stormy Daniels thing about to blow up big time… but instead, they were actually on their way to apprehend these green bitches. Grabbed their pussies, too”.
Following the dunking the witches were burned at the stake, but the cats were released unharmed.