Where Are They Now? The Brexit Bus

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THE BUS slogan that will live in infamy: ‘We send the EU £350 million a week, let’s fund our NHS instead – Vote Leave’.

Many commentators maintain that the evocative message emblazoned on the side of the German manufactured Neoplan Skyliner bus swung Britain’s referendum to leave the EU in the favour of the Leave side, plunging Britain into a period of uncertainty, embarrassment and economic peril.

While many point the finger of blame at Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson or other similarly annoying toffs, the question persists as to the role of the bus itself and where exactly the traitorous pro-leave vehicle resides today.

WWN went in search of answers. It was surprisingly easy to find them.

After a quick search of the EU cotroled internet which limits what you can search in the UK, porn-wise, thanks to a decision solely taken by the then Cameron-led government, we discovered the bus did the daily route from Bournemouth to Swanage.

“I don’t want any London-based routes, it just brings back horrible memories and I get recognised. Shouted at,” purred the engine of the Neoplan Skyliner, Neo for short, when we confronted him. “Last time I got clamped while stopped at a zebra crossing, you know it’s bad when bastard clampers think you’re a shit too”.

“Still get recognised round here in Bournemouth, but I just switch into the bus lane and floor it,” Neo hummed, as he explained no matter how many power hoses he is washed by, you can still make out the remnants of the ‘£350 million’ portion of the dreaded false claim.

Being recognised doesn’t always involve an aggressive response, sometimes Neo is greeted with cheers.

“It’s tough having fans you don’t really want, being famous for something you’re not proud of. It’s basically like being Nigel Farage, I can beep in a kind response, give them a wave of the wipers but like Nigel, I think they’re all cunts really,” added Neo, who feels like his life has been stuck in reverse ever since he agreed to carry the slogan.

Neo rejects notions that he should have fact checked the claims himself.

“I was designed in Germany and built in Poland, English is my third language, the nuances of the language escape me sometimes,” Neo defended, while revving his engine defensively.

Remorse, regret, remain. All the Rs Neo feels have lead him to some dark places which he was kind enough to share with WWN.

“In my darkest days I tried to drive to a scrap yard but the guy recognised me and wouldn’t put me in the crusher. I begged him but nothing. Sometimes I brake sharply at green lights just to feel the car behind hit me, but really it just feels like nothing now,” Neo explained before breaking down on the hard shoulder, inconsolable.

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