BEING a true master of something requires dedication, focus and expertise. Just ask any of the competitors at this years US Masters tournament in Augusta, in which the best golfers in the world are currently teeing off against each other.
But do you really have to be a master to compete in the Masters? You do 9 holes of pitch and putt on Saturdays with the lads, and you’re usually on par for the course… surely you could hold your own against these so-called ‘elite athletes’! The Masters is just big pitch and putt, right? Let’s see how you’d get on.
Ha! Your drive is one of the strongest parts of your game, with your ability to take whatever club you got handed by the guy at the front desk and whack the ball to the green in one stroke, every time (even on that jinnit of a bend on the 2nd hole). Granted, the Augusta course is much, much bigger than the Kilmarris course that you go to, and you’ve never picked up a proper driver in your life, but how hard can it be? Just hit it a bit harder, right?
2) On the green
Okay, it took a few more shots than usual to get onto the green, that fairway is way, way longer than you ever thought, but now we’re here, just put the skills you learned over the 7 or 8 games of pitch & putt you’ve ever played into use. Unfortunately, one of those skills is ‘trying to put your opponent off by slagging them off incessantly while they take their shot’, which works when you’re playing against the lads from work, but seems to be frowned upon when you try it with Tiger Woods.
3) We’re still not counting balls we can’t find, right?
Free shot if you completely lose your ball in the woods, right? To make up for the sting of not getting your full deposit back when you return to the hut? No? That doesn’t count in the US Masters? This might be harder than you thought.
4) Let’s just say next hole wins, OK?
You’re more used to playing 9 holes then calling it a day, so these multiple rounds of 18 holes are going to test you… how about we play a few holes for the craic, then say the next hole wins? Guys? Rory? Jordan? Surely we’re not going round the whole course, are we? There’s a match on telly in an hour we were hoping to be home for! Man, when they said Masters, they weren’t messing around, were they?