Healy-Raes Very Good To Constituents, All The Same

ALTHOUGH independent TD Danny Healy-Rae has received harsh criticism for insensitive remarks made about abortion in the case of fatal foetal abnormalities, there has been widespread agreement that he and his brother Michael are very good to their constituents, WWN can confirm.

Keeping up the Healy-Rae family tradition of being incredibly savvy politicians who appeal greatly to the voters in their locality while appearing oafish, backwards and ill-informed to the rest of the country, Danny Healy-Rae expressed his doubts to Leinster House yesterday as to whether or not a baby aborted due to fatal foetal abnormality would have been loved by its parents, to the absolute horror of anyone who had suffered through such an ordeal.

Despite this view on women’s rights, as well as their opinions on climate change and drink driving laws, a ban remains on calling the Healy-Raes out for gombeenism without also mentioning the fact that the people of Kerry really like them, and the Healy-Raes look after their own.

“Irish politics isn’t pretty at the best of times, but Jesus Christ the Healy-Raes sure do bring it down a notch” said gombeen political expert Dr. Phillip McCarron.

“But with that being said, they are superstars in Kerry, beloved among their constituents. So maybe… maybe we’re all wrong? Maybe we’re just mad because they Healy-Raes have it down to such a fine art? They have a very clever game-plan; offer a stance on a controversial subject that will play well with their constituents, then use the backlash as a proof about how ‘them up in Dublin are out of touch with the Irish people’ when you go home to Kerry”.

“Drive up your popularity with the people who are going to vote for you next election, and fuck the opinions of everyone else, sure they’re not registered to vote in Kerry so who cares. Get an odd road re-surfaced here and there, generate testimonials about how you’re really good to your constituents”.

147,000 people in Kerry have confirmed that the Healy-Raes are indeed very good to their constituents, adding that they’re very happy to ignore all the other embarrassing shite that goes along with it.