New Court Built Just To Deal With Denis O’Brien’s Legal Cases

CITING the demands put on courts by previous, current and future court cases in which billionaire Denis O’Brien is involved, the decision has been made to build the Denis O’Brien Claims Court in Dublin, WWN can reveal.

With the volume of past, present and future litigation taken by or against the Digicel businessman, the need for a special dedicated court to begin operating had been flagged for some time.

“Denis has 9 stamps on his ‘take 9 cases to court, get your 10th one free’ loyalty card. So we’d be happy to represent him whenever some toys need throwing out of a pram,” confirmed a legal consultant with a firm that has represented O’Brien in the past.

The Denis O’Brien Claims Court will have 14 individual court rooms, operating simultaneously, allowing the Maltese tax resident to seamlessly move from room to room and case to case, rendering all legal proceeding into an easily manageable conveyor belt style operation.

“Ah God, the hassle we’ll save with this. It’ll be great,” remarked one judge who was happy he might finally get a case not involving someone making claims for or against the billionaire who was found by the Moriarty Tribunal to have made two payments to then Fine Gael Minister Michael Lowry in 1996 and 1999 totaling IR£500,000 (GB£147,000 and GB£300,000) and supported a loan of GB£420,000 given to Lowry in 1999, a benefit equivalent to a payment, when bidding for the State’s second mobile phone licence.

Gardaí have been told that were these findings to be acted upon, any eventual case would have to take place in the DBCC which is scheduled to begin construction shortly.