Mother’s Day Gift Guide: What To Get For The Woman Who Wants Fuck All

DO you have a mother? If so, you may find that the annual quest to buy a Mother’s Day gift for her leaves you wishing for a simpler life where you were separated at birth and raised by wolves. With 100% of mothers insisting that they’re fine and want nothing, WWN has looked at your options when it comes to buying a present for the woman who has nothing and wants fuck all.

1) Flowers

You can surprise your Mam with a nice bunch of flowers, if you’re okay with her not looking at them other than to state that they’ll ‘do for the grave’.

2) Perfume

Your Mam hasn’t been outside the house in 9 years, but this is a hallmark and you have to spend at least 50 quid on her. Get some perfume, or a perfume set or something. Don’t worry about what it smells like, it’ll never see the outside of the bottle.

3) A nice jumper

Or, what you consider to be a nice jumper. Stick around to see your sister wearing it in a few weeks time, after your mum hands it over to her because she was never going to wear it.

4) Transformers 5 on DVD

Why the fuck not, she’ll appreciate it as much as anything else you get her.

5) A DNA test

Fake the results, and show her that you’re not really her child. Watch her smile as all your years of failure are suddenly no longer her fault.