Local Buzzer Still Getting Brain Zaps From Last Weekend’s Bangers

A COUNTY Waterford teen has confirmed he is still getting ‘brain zaps’ from the weekend after spending the majority of the three days ‘necking a rake of yokes’, leaving him in the ‘absolute bits’, WWN can confirm.

Mark ‘Henno’ Hennessey estimated he took over 23 tablets with a McDonald’s ‘M’ logo from Friday evening to early Sunday morning, and has since suffered from ‘electric shock type spasms’ in his head.

“Min a fukin’ heap,” the 18-year-old explained, slowly trying to take the edge off of Wednesday with a box of beer and 20 fags, “fare shlap off dem now, but the zaps keep ruinin’ me buzz; every time I try ta go sleep de tings keep freakin’ me out, like a fukin’ stroke or sumthin'”.

Common among ecstasy users, brain zaps are a widely reported phenomenon which appears to be related to serotonin levels in the brain, as MDMA causes the brain to release large amounts.

“Sumtimes wake up crosseyed, and can’t move in de bed,” Henno added, now jolting as if being prodded with a cattle rod, “ah fuck! Dat was a big wan der now,” he added, despereately holding on to the top of his head with his hand, “what if I can’t go buzzin’ anymore? De lads will slag de bollox off me”.

Calling on the government to come up with a solution, Mr. Hennessy said he will be writing a strongly worded letter to the minister for health to instruct them to research some kind of cure for brain zaps, remarking that they should be ashamed of themselves that they didn’t research it sooner.

“Ders no way anyone can work with dis kinda ting goin’ on in der head,” he concluded.