WATERFORD native Sean Merrington is expecting ‘big things’ in the bedroom department later on tonight, after shelling out almost €24.50 on the finest Valentine’s gifts available in his local 24hr garage for his wife Karen.
Merrington, who describes himself as a thoughtful, considerate sex machine, made sure to pick up something very special for his long-term wife after failing to break the 20 euro mark last year and getting ‘nothing in return for it’.
However, this year the unemployed self-employed man made certain to get to the shops as early as possible after his big lie-in to buy up the most beautiful bouquet of un-bought flowers from outside his local Topaz, as well as a box of Black Magic and a card which, at nearly 3 euro, was described as ‘fucking pushing it’.
“Granted, I’ve never seen her buy or eat Black Magic, but chocolate is chocolate, right?” said Merrington, slicking his remaining hair back before heading in to his Waterford home where Karen was cooking him a three-course Valentine’s dinner from scratch.
“I mean, there’s over twenty quid I’ve spent on her there today, that’s something isn’t it? Well, I got myself 20 fags and an All Cash Gold out of that at the same time, but still… I’m bound to be getting the ride tonight, or else that’ll be it for Valentine’s Day around this house”.
UPDATE: That’s it for Valentine’s Day in the Merrington house.