WITH the liberals and their Catholic bashing mantra slowly making it increasingly difficult for followers to express their beliefs in public life, a large majority of worshipers are now being forced underground to pray to the Almighty Father.
But just where are the best places to partake in a sneaky pray? We’ve asked five staunch Catholics about their favourite places to pray while out and about.
John, 47, Secondary School Teacher
“Whenever I get the urge, I break the glass button in the hall and trigger the fire alarm so the whole school has to evacuate. The kids always get the blame, but I find this is the perfect time to take my shirt off and whip my back repeatedly with my beads while reciting at least one decade of the Rosary. I find the PE hall to be an ideal location to pray, due to the acoustics and its varnished wooden floor which is perfect for wiping up any blood splatters”.
Mary, 39, Shop Assistant
“I have a statue of the Blessed Virgin hidden behind the Cornflakes section which faces down aisle 3, so every time I’m kneeling down to pack the shelves, I sneak in a little prayer. The boss just thinks I’m working”.
Jacob, 14, Junior Cert
“Every Thursday morning me and two other classmates mitch off Tech Drawing and go down the back lane for a quickie. One lad keeps watch while the other two prays. I could get in anywhere between 3 or 4 prayers in one sitting. I’m trying to cut down, but it’s just too nice”.
Martina, 43, Customer Care Representative
“I put people on hold and tell them I need to speak to the supervisor about their account, but it’s not the supervisor they think, it’s God, and he usually tells me to hang up on them and go out for a smoke. God’s funny like that”.
Beatrice, 32, Housewife
“When I’m caught short, I find the nearest bar or restaurant and ask them if I can use their toilets. Nine times out of 10 it’s a prayer to Saint Anthony to help me find something, but sometimes I just like to have a spontaneous pray about whatever. I must have God driven mad with all my zany thoughts.”
Fr Niall O’Higgins, 39, Priest
“I drive from my parish in Louth down to Kerry every morning at 5am. Then I swim out to a boat I have moored 2 kilometres off the coast there. Then I row for about 3 hours, and when I’m nice and alone in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean I hammer the life out of an Our Father. But I always feel like someone, something, is still watching me”