SAFELY tucked away in the browser history of one local Waterford woman’s phone is a series of questions so idiotic in nature any reasonable person could be forgiven for presuming they were asked by an individual with an IQ of minus 198, WWN can reveal.
Lorna Lyons, a woman of average intelligence admitted today that, much like the vast majority of the human population, when in doubt as to the answer of some of life’s most obvious and simple questions she will invariably turn to Google.
“We’ve never seen such an endless parade of fucking stupid questions,” confirmed one data researcher at Google, “we fully expected that the searches were just the random typings of a brain damaged infant penguin who had somehow gained access to a phone, how wrong we were,” added the researcher.
Lyons is not thought to be alone in posing stupid questions, however, she is in the small minority who has had her search history made public, paving the way for her to be ostricised from civil society.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, I swear I’m not normally thick, it’s just like when you’re tired and your brain hurts ya know,” the 25-year-old teacher told to WWN when confronted with a list of her own Google queries.
“Is Fast and the Furious 7 based on a true story?”, “pacific or specific ocean?”, “anal sex pregnancy?”, “can you microwave tinfoil?”, “my microwave is on fire, how to stop fire?”, “can you die from eating too many of your toenail clippings?”, “is Iceland made of ice?”, “what is it called when my brain is tired and studpid? I mean stupid”, “why isn’t Northern Ireland part of Ireland anymore?”, “why isn’t Ireland part of Britain anymore?”, “why is everyone mad at Adolf Hitler?” and “how to make ice” were just some of the many queries Lyons asked of her search engine.
“Yeah, we’re thinking of banning her from Google to be honest,” confirmed the data researcher, who has had to take on an extra 12 staff just to examine Lyons’s search history.