Referendum Called On Whether Nation Definitively Likes Or Dislikes Saoirse Ronan

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“IT has never been more important to ask of the Nation, that most challenging question; in light of her third Oscar nomination, do we like or dislike Saoirse Ronan, there needs to be a definitive answer”

A rare foray into overt political discourse from President Michael D. Higgins has set in motion a snap referendum on the esteem in which the Irish public holds Saoirse Ronan.

Depending on who you ask, the Carlow native is the preeminent acting talent in Hollywood who has no peers, to others she isn’t even from Carlow at all. With such divisive views held by many, a referendum was inevitable.

“While it is unconventional, I have taken the President’s words into account and the Saoirse Ronan Referendum will take place next week. However, I have not yet decided how I will vote. This is a matter of conscience, and I will not cast my vote lightly,” Taoiseach Leo Varadkar declared today via a carefully focus-grouped press release.

If the Nation votes ‘dislike’ it will require a drastic change to the Nation’s constitution whereby the Irish public can no longer simply begin loving a public figure after America takes notice of them and praises the individual.

“It’s madness, they haven’t considered the legislative implications, and what’s more Saoirse was transcendent in Ladybird. An acting triumph,” one pro-Saoirse supporter, who hasn’t seen the film for which the actress is nominated, shared.

To many pro-Saoirse advocates that a referendum is needed at all is bafflingly in the extreme, however, there remains an alleged ‘silent majority’ who just don’t seem to like the successful actress.

“I can’t tell you why someone’s existence irritates me so, but it does, and no, she isn’t just some outlet towards which I can hurl all my unhappiness. Don’t even try to open that wound,” confirmed anti-Saoirse voter, who labelled the actress ‘who? Never heard of her’ in the comment section of the Journal.ie.

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