MANCHESTER UNITED’S new star forward Alexis Sanchez has gone on strike hours after securing his dream bank balance, WWN Sport can exclusively report.
While United’s most vocal detractors questioned how wise it was to hand a 29-year-old player seemingly motivated solely by money a four-year contract reportedly worth £500,000 per week after tax, they expressed surprise at how quickly things have gone delightfully pear-shaped.
“I always just thought he’d play terribly in a Mourinho side that doesn’t no what to do with talented forwards and slowly lose interest before being demoted out of the match day squad and replaced by a dabbing Jesse Lingard, but this is beyond our wildest dreams,” explained one Liverpool fan, who needed cheering up today if he was being honest.
United have tackled the Sanchez situation head on this morning with talk they are willing to add another two years onto the player’s existing deal as a show of faith and as a reward for at least making it to the training ground on time even if it was to commence strike action.
“Okay but what if we gave you £750,000 a day?” pleaded Manchester United’s chief negotiator Ed Woodward, as Sanchez perfected his sulking face at the entrance to the club’s Carrington training ground.
In a bid to fund the acquisition of Sanchez, the Premier League’s second placed side has announced some new fundraising efforts.
“We’ve signed up an official lift door opening sound partner, as well as an official earbud supplier netting the club an extra £200 million in revenue this year,” Woodward explained to WWN Sport as Sanchez rummaged through his pockets for change.