THE excitement for Pope Francis’ Popefest 2k18 tour to Ireland is hotting up, with millions of screaming Catholics crashing the Ticketmaster website just seconds after tickets for His Holiness’s Phoenix Park date went online.
While there’s no doubt that the Pontiff will put on an incredible show for the million-or-so expected spectators, organisers have started to cast doubts over their abilities to provide the 266th and current Pope with the list of demands in his rider, which was leaked online today.
1) The name ‘Francis’ must be the top baby name for the next 5 years
Similar to how John & Paul ruled the Irish name market following PJP’s visit to Ireland in the late seventies, Pope Francis has demanded a written guarantee that ‘Francis’ will be the top name for new baby boys born in Ireland until 2024 at the earliest.
2) A new papal cross
Again, seemingly threatened by the remaining popularity of ‘the good Pope’, Francis has stated clearly that he will no take to the stage unless a new cross is erected beside the old one, and be ‘at least ten feet’ higher than the 116ft original.
3) 80% of the church envelopes that day
Not the whole pie, Pope just wants a taste. Just a taste.
4) Absolutely no mention of Catholic Church compensation to anyone
Pope hears one word, Pope is gone, y’hear? No encore. No second rosary. Mic drop and outtie.