WITH only so much of your parents money to go around, choosing the right data plan for them to pay for can be the most important part of your whole entire life, and could mean the difference between loitering around Starbucks begging for free wifi and sitting in your nice cosy bed, data-worry-free.
1) Explain what data is to your parents
It’s very unlikely that your ancient parents know what data is, what it looks like, or even how much a kilogramme of data costs. Technological illiterate, these idiots aka your loving parents, might just give you a fiver a week to top up your credit for the purposes of make phone calls to them, because as far as they’re concerned, that’s all you need your phone for. Take them through the basics of data, so they’ll be more inclined to pony up when you blow through GB after GB ‘studying’.
2) Concoct an entirely made up situation to show them how important data plans are
Now, we’re not saying lie to your parents; we mean putting forward a hypothetical situation that forces them to question the importance of their son or daughter having unlimited data.
For instance, just leave a frantic voice mail on their phone like ‘Oh my God mum! I’m in tr…’, before just cutting out, right on the word that could sound, to a panic-loving parent, like ‘trouble’. Give it a few minutes and mammy will be all a fluster, frantically phoning you, wondering what the hell happened. Simply say, ‘Oh hi mum. Yeah, sorry, my credit ran out. I was just saying I’m in Tramore and the scenery is absolutely gorgeous and that you’d only love it if you were here’, pointing to the fact that if you were in trouble, it would have been all her fault for not supplying you with a decent data plan. Seed sown.
3) Double down
More not-exactly-truths, explain how critical round-the-clock 24 hours unlimited data is to study enhancing apps such as Snapchat, Netflix and Spotify. Having constant access to such things could be worth an extra 60 points in the Leaving, or the difference between a 2.1 and a First, according to esteemed Professor Franken Knotmaidup. Victory is in sight. Hold your nerve, get the official sign off and you’re golden.
4) Don’t push your luck
Okay, at this point, you could basically pick any data plan and your folks would pay for it. Walk away before they get suspicious. Don’t be a hero, don’t mention that holiday the gang are planning to Marbella next year and how it is for ‘educational purposes’.