Beaumont Residents Tell Coast Guard To Fuck Off With Their Lifesaving Bullshit

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RESIDENTS in the Beaumont area of Dublin have let the Coast Guard know that they’ve had their fill of all their lifesaving heroic bullshit, and have put a stop to rescue helicopters en route to Beaumont Hospital from landing on a local playing field.

The Coast Guard and the Air Corps have been using the playing field to drop off patients in critical need of attention for the past number of years, after the HSE decided that the on-site helipad in the hospital would serve the hospital better if they scrapped it and replaced it with a staff carpark.

The HSE were quite happy to stay out of an angry bitching session between residents and experts on the subject of air ambulance services in the comments section of online news outlets, taking a ‘let them fight among themselves’ stance on the matter.

“It’s true that the playing field was supposed to be a temporary solution, but it was working so we just left it at that,” said a source close to Minister for Health Simon Harris, who was hoping to avoid being mentioned in this row.

“So now that the residents are angry that their own safety is at risk from these huge helicopters and they’ve successfully campaigned for patients to be dropped off at the airport instead, the public have the perfect people to be angry with, and for once it isn’t us. Nice one! Now if only we could get some locals to complain about how A&E queues are blocking their view of the mountains…”.

The Beaumont residents association have soared to the top of the Irish public enemies chart, knocking off the Croke Park residents who had the audacity to not want their homes turned into public urinals for five Garth Brooks gigs.

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