THE halls of Leinster House are today ringing with festive cheers ahead of the Christmas break, and the 158 members of the current Dáil are gearing themselves up for a nice month off after a solid year of fruitful labour.
TDs from both sides of the house put aside their squabbles and their arguments to congratulate each other on a good year of squabbling and arguing, with bitter enemies shaking hands and laughing over some well earned midday pints in the Dáil bar.
Having solved the country’s economic and societal woes in a four-day political cramming session, TDs expressed relief at being ‘free to enjoy their holidays’ without any of that pesky work ‘hanging over their heads’.
“It was looking like we’d have to do a bit of work over the holidays, but luckily we managed to solve unemployment, homelessness, inequality, and all the Gardaí scandals in time for the break,” sighed Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, playfully holding Micheál Martin in a headlock while ruffling his hair.
“I mean, who wants to go on a month’s holiday knowing that they’ve got shitloads of work waiting for them when they get back? Nah, we all knuckled down, did the right thing, and now we think that there’s not a single person in Ireland that would begrudge us 30 straight days of relaxing”.
As a Christmas bonus, the Dáil Bar has agreed to waive all tabs, leading to a huge cheer from TDs who weren’t going to pay their tab anyway.