Child Asks Santa For Beheaded Man Like They Saw On YouTube

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WATERFORD parents Killian and Sharon Denning have solved the mystery of the ‘man whose head comes off’ toy that featured in their 6-year-old son’s Santa letter this year, after noticing the child watching graphic beheading videos during his daily 8-hour iPad sessions.

Like the majority of parents, the Dennings usually hand their young child an unlocked iPad every day for several hours to give themselves ‘a minute of peace’, and as such young Senan’s favourite shows are not Paw Patrol or Power Rangers, but rather live streams of people playing Minecraft or LiveLeak videos of rescue crews digging dead bodies out of building that were hit by drone strikes in the Middle East.

“Dear Santa, I have been a very good boy this year, will you bring me a toy of the man whose head comes off and makes red ketchup please,” said Killian Denning, reading his son’s letter out loud.

“Needless to say, we didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about. I thought it was a Stretch Armstrong or something. But then we reviewed his YouTube history and found that although we’d left him watching Five Little Babies videos, he’d wandered off down a YouTube tunnel and ended up on a bunch of ISIS shit. It also explains why he added at the end of his letter that he’d also like ‘the game where the man gets pushed off the top of a tower'”.

The Dennings join a huge list of parents around the country who are struggling to fulfil their kids’ YouTube-based Christmas lists, with most kids eschewing conventional toys to ask Santa for ‘stuff to unbox’, ‘more subscribers’, and ‘a playset of Elsa living with Spider-man where the Joker from Batman is trying to drown their child, Peppa Pig’.

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