Local Child Fucking Knows

A CAT-AND-MOUSE game of nerves has broken out in the home of one Waterford family this year, as the parents of a 4th Class boy become increasingly aware that their son knows ‘the deal’ with Santa Clause.

Louise and Michael Dornan, the parents of 9-year-old Phillip, were certain that last year was their son’s ‘last year’ when it came to Santa, following a Christmas 2016 conversation in which their son admitted to not really believing in the holiday legend any more.

However, the Tramore couple were surprised this year when Phillip sat down to write his letter to Santa in November as usual, although the list of presents this year were deemed to be ‘pushing it a bit’.

Not wanting to ruin the magic of Christmas by bringing the subject up, the Dornan’s have instead opted to bring their son to Santa in the shopping centre as usual, to see if he will ‘crack’ and admit the truth.

“The truth is he knows fucking rightly,” said Michael Dornan, fully aware that his son can be a sneaky wee bastard when he wants to be.

“Of course, my wife is on the ‘say nothing’ train, and is adamant that Philly still believes. I reckon he knows, and he’s just testing us. What child asks Santa for a 4K 55″ TV? And when we say that Santa might not be able to bring presents that big, he comes with the tears about how he thought Santa was magical and could do anything. He’s working us, he is. I’ll outfox him yet, don’t you worry”.

UPDATE: Phillip has added an iPhone 8 to his Christmas list, prompting Santa to write him a personalised letter urging him ‘not to push it’.