THE Irish weather has issued a statement in which it warns the public to be aware of sweeping statements blowing westerly across the country from the headquarters of Met Éireann, which will pick up speed and ferocity as the month of December rolls in.
The missive explained how the gusts of panic and dread will gain force when they merge with the Irish media system, which is currently swirling around the country inflicting damage on the mental well-being of the population.
The ensuing storm of headlines and clickbait articles are said to last for the next few slow news weeks, with forecasts of newspapers screaming about ‘storm warnings’ and ‘catastrophic weather conditions’ set to batter the population until something else comes along.
“So what we have here is a build-up of pressure coming from the media, which is being fed into by Met Éireann looking for more funding,” said the Irish weather, speaking exclusively to WWN.
“So that leads to an escalation of weather-related terms. Breezes become gusts. Flurries of snow become inescapable polar ice-traps. Rain becomes torrential Arctic downpours. This will affect everyone in the country, except those who can reach the shelter of knowing that it’s winter, and it will probably be cold and rainy for the next few weeks, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before”.
The weather went on to warn Theresa Mannion to not make any unnecessary broadcasts.