YOUR Dad has been there for you from day one, helpful, supportive and loving… and you’re just going to give him a Lynx set for Christmas? You ingrate. You horrible person.
Show a bit of God damn love and respect for the most important person in your life with the following gift ideas for Dad:
The last thing your Dad ever wants to cope with is the thoughts of you having sex. So surprise him this Christmas by taking a vow of celibacy, and never allowing anyone to defile the body your Dad made for you (note: applicable to daughters only).
Your dad has been driving around with no car tax for six months, with one hand on the indicators so he can pretend to be turning into a house if he rounds a corner and see’s a checkpoint. Don’t get the man a shaving kit, get him up to date with his Motor Tax. And his NCT, if you have a spare few quid.
That garden shed that needs painting? The skirting board that was never nailed up? Few pictures still waiting to be hung around the place? These are all pressing matter for your dad, a constant source of stress and headaches as he deflects conversations about ‘when will X get done’. This year, give your dad the gift of a Polish handyman for a few hours, who will do all these small jobs and leave your Da free to do nothing.
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Be prepared to pretend you can’t hear him through the thin walls in the house even more than ever.
Just fuck off out of the house for an hour, would you?