ON THE FOOT of the Taoiseach’s recent assertion that Ireland’s homeless levels are actually remarkably low and something to be proud of, the government’s newly installed Communications Unit has hired a hypnotist to convince the Irish public homelessness ‘isn’t even a thing’.
“We’re just conscious of the fact that many members of the public are falsely claiming something should be done about ‘homelessness’ so we’re embarking on a wonderful little reeducation programme which involves hypnotising the public and telling them that honestly, there’s not really any homeless people. After all, once you’re homeless you’re not ‘people’, are you?” confirmed a spokesperson for the Communications Unit, who charges by the word.
Hypnotist Barry Keith will be interviewed on the Six One News tomorrow, and it is believed that it will be from the RTÉ studios that he informs the Irish public they need to ‘look into my eyes’ and that they are ‘feeling very sleepy’.
“This is a great gig the government has given me, and it’ll be a bit of fun, because once everyone awakes I’ll have them trained to never react emotively to the word ‘homeless’,” Keith explained to WWN, “their mind will draw a blank and they’ll shrug their shoulders, just like the government”.
If the large scale and ambitious hypnotism is successful, it will free up the Taoiseach to spend vital time updating his social media feeds, showing him doing normal everyday human things like filling up a dishwasher.
“The Taoiseach has been disturbed by attempts of the public to ask him questions about figures and stats, and of policies and if there is any concrete evidence they are working. However, after hypnotising everyone, it’s hoped they’ll just let him get on with picking out socks,” confirmed a Communications Unit spokesperson.