Government Unveil New ‘Homeless Plough’ To Clear Streets During Winter

CLEARING Dublin City streets of unsightly homeless people can take several hours every morning, with business owners, Gardaí and council workers wasting hours of their working time telling them to move on, until now.

This morning, the government unveiled 20 brand new homeless ploughs which will clear alleyways, shop fronts and parks in all our major towns and cities during the winter period, ensuring easy passage for consumers to spend their hard earned money without being tormented for change, or requests for hot food/help.

The tractor ploughs, which cost the state €10 million, will begin scraping homeless off the streets at 6am, with the aim of clearing city centres in time for the busy morning rush of commuters.

“Over 4,000 people every year report tripping over some form of homeless person,” Taoiseach Leo Varadkar explained, before cutting a ribbon wrapping a Dublin city homeless plough this morning, “many of these people were going to work at the time, after getting up early.

“Can you imagine that for just one second; you spend all that time putting on your nice suit, you buy a 4 euro coffee on your way to work, and then trip over some manky homeless leg that was sticking out from under a box. These ploughs will prevent all that”.

With an estimated 8,000 people in the country currently homeless, Mr. Varadkar defended claims from opposition TDs that the ploughs were not enough to tackle the crisis, stating that 3,000 of the total figure were actually children.

“I’ve been reassured the ploughs can easily shift 5 homeless children at any one time, as they’re smaller, so their claims the ploughs are not enough are void,” he added, before donning a council uniform and sitting into the plough for the press.

Mr. Varadkar had also caused outrage at a Fine Gael conference in Cavan on Saturday, after claiming that Ireland’s homeless levels are low when compared against the international average, despite the data he used being two years out of date.

“Look, if we start getting flagged by the EU, we’ll do something about it,” he said, before showing this reporter a poll which found he has the highest rating for a Fine Gael Taoiseach since 2011, adding, “I’m deadly, so I am”.