What To Do If You Spot Ibrahim Halawa In The Street

WITH known Muslim young lad Ibrahim Halawa now back on Irish soil, WWN can exclusively confirm that there isn’t a man, woman or child that is safe anymore.

Halawa, who just returned to Ireland following four years in jail in Egypt, has yet to renounce the Muslim Brotherhood, or ISIS.

The 21-year-old has also failed to renounce the IRA, the UVF, Boko Haram, the All Tripura Tiger Force, Spectre, Hamas, Asian Dawn, or the mutants from Thundercats, making him potentially the most dangerous man on Earth, leading to several people wondering how they should act should they encounter Halawa in the streets.

“If you see Ibrahim Halawa in TK Maxx or outside Game Stop and you feel under threat, then there are a few things you could do to ensure your safety,” said a spokesperson for the Ibrahim Halawa Awareness Committee, a group set up by Journal.ie commentators who finally found something they could all agree on.

“It’s important to recognise the fact that if you feel threatened by this man, this is not a feeling that is going to go away. You will always fear for your safety, and wonder where he is and what he’s doing. The only real option you have is to euthanise yourself as quickly as possible. Might we recommend placing both hands flat against a sturdy wall and smashing your head repeatedly against the brick wall until all your fears slowly ebb away”.

Halawa has been placed on 24-hour watch by several nosy bastards, who have confirmed that he has spent the past day chilling out at home with his family, but ‘in a really suspicious way’.