WE’RE GOING TO THE WORLD CUP!!!
Despite Ireland’s passage to the World Cup being guaranteed after securing Denmark in the playoff draw, WWN is obligated to fill it’s regular sport preview slot, which it will do so reluctantly.
While it is utterly pointless, we here at WWN Sport will nevertheless provide you the footballing public with all you need to know about Denmark, Ireland’s playoff ‘opponents’.
First thing you need to know is that Denmark is the team Ireland easily beat to qualify for the 2018 World Cup.
He came in for some stick recently, but Martin O’Neill, forever a man wedded to attention to detail, has already said he will study over 80 hours of video footage of Denmark’s matches before just deciding on long ball tactics.
Many even tempered and cautious Irish fans took to social media to point out that Denmark’s squad contains players from clubs such as Sevilla, RB Leipzig, Chelsea and Tottenham and suggested supporters not get ahead of themselves, warning they should just be happy with the 3-0 victory we’re going to secure in the away leg and not be too hard on Ireland.
Christian Eriksen isn’t a poor man’s Wes Hoolahan, and anyone who suggests he is knows absolutely nothing about the game. Luka Modric combined with Andres Iniesta is a poor man’s Hoolahan. Eriksen is a destitute and homeless bacteria’s version of Wesley.
While it is still too early to know for sure what Ireland’s tactics will be, a formation of ‘4-4-Shane Duffy’s Head’ is the most likely formation for O’Neill’s men.
Werder Bremen star Thomas Delaney’s grandmother hails from Ireland, begging the question what the fuck does he think he’s doing dishonouring his family by choosing Denmark over Ireland. Luckily, a lengthy Irish government tribunal costing millions is soon to find out.
Denmark is the largest exporter of pork products to the EU, which is unfortunately worth one away goal under FIFA qualifier rules.
Due to a loophole in player registrations Kasper Schmeichel is still allowed to play for Denmark despite being a ghost.
Nicklas Bendtner is the only player with a longer goalless streak than Shane Long.
Before every game Denmark manager Åge Hareide makes his team binge watch nordic noir detective series The Bridge. While the intention is to help them contemplate the often barbaric futility of human existence and use that as a way to free their minds upon entering the field of play, they frequently use it to contemplate the often barbaric futility of human existence and feel a bit sad afterwards. Hence Denmark’s often sluggish start in the first 15 minutes of matches.
The FAI still haven’t commented on the news that ISIS, the Taliban and Al Nusra have confirmed torturing people it has kidnapped by showing them a selection of the football played by Ireland during its qualifying campaign.
Predictions: two large scale piss ups, interrupted by some football.