Hurricane Ophelia Set To Renovate Cork

THERE was good news for the city of Cork today after the oncoming Hurricane Ophelia swept across the Atlantic on a direct collision course with the south west of Ireland, promising a much-needed spring clean for the official capital city of Ireland.

Currently rated as a class 2 hurricane, the tail-end of Ophelia is expected to hit Cork on Monday, causing huge amounts of renovations to the city, as well as relocating large amounts of the Rebel County to neighbouring lands such as Waterford and Kerry, which will then officially be classed as Cork as well.

Storm force winds are due to clean and freshen the buildings and streets around Cork, while torrential rain is set to help give the street, footpaths and parks ‘a good rinse’.

“It’s not a class 2 hurricane, it’s just a class hurricane,” said one Cork native, hoping to soon live in a city that he can brag about for a change, “she’s going to come in here and give the town a good scrub, the first in many a year boy. We were perfectly happy to leave it as it was but now that we’re getting it done for free, we’ll take it”.

The man went on to state that the hurricane ‘wouldn’t go near Dublin because it had sense’.